Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A nice Christmas...

....starts with a trip to the amusement park Gröna Lund with a girl's best gay friend.

It involves posing in front of Tyrol....
...and among some giant christmas gifts and later on the riding of an old Carousel...

The next day dawns and with it comes the time to go ice skating....

... which results in the breaking of a bone or two and three days spent in the hospital.
Then, finally, comes the loud Christmas Eve at home with a n arguing family and a mother that is so drunk that she does not remember what either of her children got for Christmas.
Happy Holiday! *please note the irony*

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Ice Skating

There is a feeling of freedom that you can get from ice skating that you can not get from anywhere else. It is hard to learn, and most people give up before they even start. However, it is almost like an illusion of flight when you glide across the ice, and once you gain enough speed, you never want to stop.

I love it.

Oh, and I suppose I should say "Merry Christmas" or some similar crap.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Merry Christmas...

Ever since the end of summer, I have longed for the winter and Christmas to come. I always do. Year after year I dream of a city covered in snow and mistletoe hanging in the doorways, of Christmas trees and silver ornaments, and of happy times and a joyous holiday that I will remember for the rest of my life. I can carry the Christmas spirit wherever I go ever since the end of September but the closer it gets to the actual holiday, the more that magical feeling vanes.

I do not know why, but after a while the lights seem not as bright as before, the charols not as cheery, and the open fire not as comforting. Everything I had thought of doing seems so very impossible, and the people I had intended to do them with unreachable. Everything changes and no matter how much I try, I can not stop it. I am always disappointed.

This year, you have only made it worse. All of you. It does not even matter if you knew what you were doing or not; my Christmas was ruined before it even had the chance to begin.

I have even begun to wonder if there is such a thing as a Merry Christmas.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Chocolate Coated Peppermint and Chocolate Toffee

I always get into the Christmas Spirit when I start making Christmas candy. There is something about a kitchen filled with the scents of chocolate and peppemint. I can not quite explain it but no matter how bad of a mood I am in, as soon as I breathe in the sweet air I become the happiest girl in the world.

Perhaps you should try it sometime. I promise you, it works wonders in a stressful world.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Too much time to think...

I have been foolish, not realizing when I am not wanted somewhere, even though the clues have been plentiful.

Now, I see it more clearly.

After several months of absence I have not heard a single "Where have you been?" or "How are you?" or "What happened?" from any of the people I considered closest to me. I have, on the other hand, heard it from the ones I do not know so well, even on random encounters in the city. When they could have just continued walking, not bothering to talk to me, they stopped and asked how I had been and when I was coming back. Some even pretended that nothing had happened, and just acted like I was coming back any day now. Even though I realize that it was probably just out of courtesy, I can not help but feel relieved that they took the time out of their busy schedule to show that they cared, even just a little bit, while people with my telephone number have not even bothered with a single call.

I never expected a wakeup call from such a simple thing, and yet there it was, although I am not sure if I wanted it at first. Some people say that ignorance is bliss, and I suppose that is true, at least until we reach the point where knowledge of certain things is inevitable. Then, we wish that that day had never come. It is hard to accept the reality, harsh as it is, and time and time again I have found myself running from it.

Unfortunately, running does not solve anything, does it? So, instead I just stopped caring.

Once upon a time I would have been upset if I read that some of you resented me, but right now? Why should I even be bothered to care?

What I did, what we all were trying to do really, was to make you stand up for yourselves. Our methods may have been harsh I admit, but not nearly as terrible as when someone eventually will abuse your confidence, making you do something you really do now want to do. And as dependant on other people as you are, I am sure that you would have fallen under the pressure.

All I wanted was for you to tell me off, to show some courage, and prove that you really could stand up for yourself when the situation demanded it, but you never did. Instead, you did what you always do; you allowed yourself to be affected by other people and ended up losing one of the few people who actually cared about your wellbeing.

Now, I may not be a saint, and I may not have that many friends in the world, but at least I am my own person and the few friends I have accept me for who I am. And that is a lot more than what can be said about you.

There are only a few select people that I will miss and I think they know who they are, but in case they are feeling particularly thick-headed today, they were the ones who stopped, by their own will, to say hello when I came to return my books.

I had not intended for this to become such a very long post, and I do not expect any of the people concerned to read it, and even if they did, they probably would not care, but I needed to get it off my chest. But if, for some unknown reason, the people mentioned ever should come to read this, and find that my opinion might actually be worth something, I hope that they will realize the truth in what I have said. After all, I have no reason to lie in my own journal.
I have been foolish, not realizing when I am not wanted somewhere, even though the clues have been plentyful. Now I see it more clearly. After several months of absence I have not heard a single "Where have you been?" or "How are you?" or "What happened?" from any of the people I considered closest to me. I have, on the other hand, heard it from the ones I do not know so well. I find it rather funny how such a simple thing can act as such a wakeupcall.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

And, O Soul, Forget Thy Dreams!

In these rapid, restless shadows,
Once I walked at eventide,
When a gentle, silent maiden,
Walked in beauty at my side.
She alone there walked beside me
All in beauty, like a bride.

Pallidly the moon was shining
On the dewy meadows nigh;
On the silvery, silent rivers,
On the mountains far and high,
-- On the ocean's star-lit waters,
Where the winds a-weary die.

Slowly, silently we wandered
From the open cottage door,
Underneath the elm's long branches
To the pavement bending o'er;
Underneath the mossy willow
And the dying sycamore.

With the myriad stars in beauty
All bedight, the heavens were seen,
Radiant hopes were bright around me,
Like the light of stars serene;
Like the mellow midnight splendor
Of the Night's irradiate queen.

Audibly the elm-leaves whispered
Peaceful, pleasant melodies,
Like the distant murmured music
Of unquiet, lovely seas;
While the winds were hushed in slumber
In the fragrant flowers and trees.

Wondrous and unwonted beauty
Still adorning all did seem,
While I told my love in fables
'Neath the willows by the stream;
Would the heart have kept unspoken
Love that was its rarest dream!

Instantly away we wandered
In the shadowy twilight tide,
She, the silent, scornful maiden,
Walking calmly at my side,
With a step serene and stately,
All in beauty, all in pride.

Vacantly I walked beside her.
On the earth mine eyes were cast;
Swift and keen there came unto me
Bitter memories of the past--
On me, like the rain in Autumn
On the dead leaves, cold and fast.

Underneath the elms we parted,
By the lowly cottage door;
One brief word alone was uttered--
Never on our lips before;
And away I walked forlornly,
Broken-hearted evermore.

Slowly, silently I loitered,
Homeward, in the night, alone;
Sudden anguish bound my spirit,
That my youth had never known;
Wild unrest, like that which cometh
When the Night's first dream hath flown.

Now, to me the elm-leaves whisper
Mad, discordant melodies,
And keen melodies like shadows
Haunt the moaning willow trees,
And the sycamores with laughter
Mock me in the nightly breeze.

Sad and pale the Autumn moonlight
Through the sighing foliage streams;
And each morning, midnight shadow,
Shadow of my sorrow seems;
Strive, O heart, forget thine idol!
And, O soul, forget thy dreams!

~Edgar Allen Poe

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Ignorance is Bliss

This is one of my very favorite photographs of myself.

A friend of mine said, the very first time that he saw this picture, that to him, it seemed very magical, like something from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. That he could almost imagine me spinning around the pillar, vanishing behind it and then not re-appearing on the other side.

To me, this photograph really is magical, and whenever I look at it, it makes me want to disappear behind that pillar and vanish off into some other reality. Or into the past perhaps. I like to think it was better back then...
At least then I was ignorant... and not alone.

I want to go back to the Happy days.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Stockholm Storm

The snow was coming down hard today. The wind was blowing and the air was filled with big snowflakes. There was so much of it that it even made me late for school, but i do not blame it. Even though we have the same kind of snowfall at least a couple of days a year, Stockholm Stad never seems to grasp it and year after year we are buried in snow and most subway trains stand still, or move very slowly. Total chaos ensues and yet they never seem to learn. Funny, is it not?

This morning when I sat in class I looked out the window and could barely see a thing, there was just so much snow. And yet, I could not keep my eyes from it as it fell from the sky to settle in a thick layer on the street. Then, later in the day, the clouds cleared away for a moment and the sun shone down on the freshly fallen snow. I do not think I have ever seen anything so beautiful as when the sun set over the glistening white ground.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Of people and things, and Cabbages and Kings

Is it not funny how depressed we can get just from realizing how few friends we have? Or by thinking of all the people we thought were friends, but really were not? Is it not facinating that other people can have that big an affect on you, whether you like it or not? We humans , much like wolves or other pack animals, are social creatures, constantly dependant on others. We always want someone to be there to take care of us, and someone for us to take care of in turn and we always strive to prove ourselves to people in our surroundings, be they family, friends or just strangers. Everything we do in life is intimately connected to other people. And nothing we do is ever really completely for ourselves.

No matter what we would like to believe, no man, or woman for that matter, is an island. We always want someone to keep us company and sometimes it does not even matter if that someone is not of our own species; it could be a pet, or in Chuck Noland's case: a volleyball. Of course, most of these substitutes do not last very long. Pets will always remain pets, and although they might be nice to cuddle, they can not comfort us when we are sad or tell us that everything will be all right. The same things goes for material things, and sooner or later they are going to be swept away by the waves, leaving us all alone once again.

I once thought that happyness did not neccessarily involve human contact, that there was no much more in the world to keep me feeling good. Only now do I realise how wrong I was. Material happyness in our modernday society is almost like a drug. Presents, clothes and money may be able to keep us happy for a time, but eventually they are going to lose their charm and all we do is crave for more. What had started as a small gift will escalade into heaps of things we really do not need and eventually we will fall into bitter dissappointment when we can not get all that we wish to have.

In the end, even though Things can never replace a good friend, we learn to take joy in the little things. They do not last as long perhaps, but give us enough of them and they can at least sustain us until a person comes along... A person who might, for once, turn out to be a good friend.

But until then, please let me enjoy the clothes and trinkets that make me happy. I do not know what else to do.

Maybe you should do the same.

The First Snow

I am a Winter's Child.

I was born in February and have always loved the cold snowy months of the year. Most people find me odd because of this, they seem to think it natural to love the summer and it's heat, and in turn hate the winter cold, but I don't quite agree. Of course, summer has its charm, just like all the other seasons, but somehow I find that snuggling up under a blanket in front of a fireplace during a snowstorm, or going out to play in the snow on a sunny day is far more pleasant than getting sunburns and sweating.

Maybe it's the Lolita in me talking, after all, it is not very comfortable to wear layers upon layers of clothes in the summer, or perhaps it has something to do with all the gifts I get on Christmas... I do not know. All I know is that whenever the first snow falls on the frozen ground I feel truly happy.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


This is Halloween,
This is Halloween,
Pumpkin scream in the dead of night.
This is Halloween,
Everybody make a scene,
Trick or Treat until the neighbours' gonna die of fright!
It's our town,
Everybody Scream,
In this town of Halloween...

I ended up going to Lunacy for Halloween, dressed as a pirate as you might have guessed. It was dun for a while, but most of the night was dreadfully boring.... Remind me to do something more fun for Halloween next year?

Monday, November 3, 2008

Fable II

Wonderful game <3

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Musée Carnavalet

Four days I spent in Paris, an entire wonderful weekend. On Friday we arrived, and Saturday was spent shopping as I have written in a previous post. Now remains but the last two days, one out of which I will write about today: Sunday.

As I really could not afford to spend yet another day shopping, and since Baby, the Stars Shine Bright was closed, my father and I decided to use Sunday as a museum day. The museum we visited was Musée Carnavalet which focuses on the History of Paris and it was really nice, even though it was not much more than a bunch of staged rooms and portraits. The Garden was particularly fabulous. Here are some pictures that I took:

The reason for going to the museum was to try to complete an assignment I got from my History teacher where I was supposed to visit a museum and then, based on the information I gathered there, I was supposed to write about a Significant Historical Personality/ies. That did not go too well since I could not find much to go on at all, and the little information I found was in French. So, after a while, I gave up and decided to just enjoy the exhibition for what it was. And I must say, some of the rooms were quite a lot more remarkable than the ones I saw last summer at the Chateau de Versailles.

All in all, even though I could not complete my assignment, it was a good day. Escpecially since we encountered a very adorable asian Lolita on our way back to the hotel. She was very sweet and wanted to take a picture of me, just as I wished to have a picture of her. Eventually, after a lot of giggling, we both got our photos and parted ways. So yes, it was a very good day.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Paris & Shopping

Well, we arrived at Orly airport (Am I the only one who finds that name funny?) around 9.30pm on Friday night and have now been here for two whole days. We're staying at the same hotel as we did during the summer and it's still very nice and comfortable, although the room we have isn't quite as nicely designed this time.

Saturday was entirely spent shopping. We got up fairly early in the morning, ate a nice french breakfast, and then made our way first to Baby, the Stars Shine Bright, and then the shop called Harajuku which is really close to our Hotel.

On the way to Baby, I saw a Moose on the street :O

He was cute :D

Anyway, well in Baby, the Stars Shine Bright's shop I tried on a lot of different dresses, skirts and blouses <3>.>

When I had made my father's wallet much lighter, we went to KFC to have lunch. I can't go to Paris without eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken, it's just not possible. XD It really is "Finger-licking good!"

When we were heading towards Harajuku after lunch, I saw this awsome grafitti on a house wall.

Unfortunetally, Harajuku hadn't really gotten anything new and interesting since I was here in Paris during the summer, so I didn't buy anything there. I did try on a FanplusFriend Coat though, and now I know exactly what to order from the F+F website when I get home :D

That's all for today, folks. I'll probably update again tomorrow, but until then,

Au revoir :D

Friday, October 24, 2008

France, here I come!

My plane leaves at 6pm tonight and a few hours later I will be back in Paris! I've saved up my money the last couple of months, so I probably won't do much other than shopping XD I can't wait!

I'm so gonna eat more delicious Chocolate cake when I'm there :P
But right now I have to pack, so see ya ^_^

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Halloween Confusion

Well, here's the deal... Halloween is approaching fast and I have still no idea what to dress up as... or to what party to go to for that matter and that kind of poses a problem.
So far I know of three parties I could go to, none of which I want to go to alone.

The first one is at Club Shibuya and is a classical Halloween party with prizes for the best costumes and so on. Shibuya is also known for having Parapara and things like that which I like, but it is, unfortunetly, run by Mika (NewNippon) and his crew which immediately puts the party low on my list.

The second one is much like the first and it's at Shibuya's rivaling club, Lunacy. Whenever I've gone to Lunacy before, I've been bored almost to death. There has been nothing fun to do there at all. But now the club has changed owners, and is run by my friend Simon and his girlfriend, so it's bound to be more fun this time. I also know some people who are going to this party.

The third option I have is to go to my friend's party. This, is actually the most appealing so far, since Gus and his friends are all really nice and easy to talk to, but I'm still a bit hesitant since I have no idea who else is going. Also, I'm not sure if I'd be able to bring a friend to the party.

It's really hard to decide... and lately I've been in a strange mood, so if I still feel like that on Halloween, I might just stay home completely.
Moving on...
I can't go to any Halloween party without a costume. Well, technically I can, but I don't want to. So, obviously, I have to figure out what to wear. Right now, I have two ideas.

Either I go as a Pirate/steampunk girl lolistyle (depending on what outfit I can put together)

Or, I go as a female version of the Mad Hatter. (Got to love him<3)

I really don't want to spend a lot of time on my costume this year, but it should be something out of the ordinary. Help me decide?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Crime Medicine

I saw this commercial yesterday and was totally baffled. (The videos are in Swedish, sorry)


I mean, they couldn't possibly be serious. Here they were using some middle-aged woman with waay too much makeup to advertise drugs that you can buy over the internet and that then are shipped to your home adress "discreetly". Not even Swedish people are that stupid.

Then, I went to their website Crime-medicin.com and instead of the website I was expecting, I was met by some odd video about all the illegitimate drugs that are sold to Swedes on the internet:


It would appear that Swedish people really Aren't that stupid. Actually, they were pretty smart to make such a provocative commercial.

Monday, October 20, 2008

IEG - Dunderhead school of DOOM!

It was my first day at my new school today....

It's bad... It's really bad. My class' intelligence level was so low, and the corridors so loud that I actually wished I could go back to IB...

I told you it was bad...

Someone kill me please?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Bloody Sunday Shopping

Today has been a good day, which is quite suprising. I had thought that I would be nervous as hell since it's the last day before I start a new school, but I wasn't. It's odd, I'm always nervous before things like that... Maybe the anxiety will come tomorrow instead. Or maybe it won't come at all? That would be nice O_o

Oh well, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that I got to spend the day with Calle. It was our last chance to hang out since he's going back to Umeå tomorrow to continue studying (he only had about a week off from the University) and we used the time to have lunch together and go shopping. I was in desperate need a winter hat so the first thing we did was to go look for one. I think I drove Calle slightly insane as I spent quite a while trying on different hats in front of the mirror at H&M. ^_^;; He didn't complain, but he yawned and rolled his eyes quite often. Eventually, though, I found one that I liked: a white knitted hat with a big pompom on top!

I also bought a black Beret just because I've always wanted one :D

The rest of the day was spent eating thaifood and browsing the shelves of a store called Duka, looking for some kitchen supplies that Calle needed for his dorm room.

Oh, and my mom helped me dye my hair again in the evening. It turned out more red than ever and for a while it looked like someone had committed suicide in my bathtub. "Yay!" for blood red hair dye! XD

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Brand New Blogg!

To tell the truth I'm not used to blogging... Actually, I'm not used to doing anything on a frequent basis at all and this would be my very first blog. So, naturally, I'm still figuring out how everything works and so on. Do not worry though, I usually have enough going on in my life to make it interesting, so I should have plenty to write about here... As long as I remember to update. :)

Frankly, I do not care much about who reads whatever gibberish I will write here. And do believe me when I say gibberish; nothing I write will make much sense. However, I will be grateful for every comment I can get, as long as they are longer than two words.

Anyway, all that I write will be directly connected to my life and I hope that those who take the time to read my posts will enjoy them for what they are.

Bye for now ^_^