Just a little warning... I have absolutely no idea where I am going with this. This is mostly just me getting stuff out of my system so if you do not want to hear it, don't read. Okay?
So uh yeah.
For some reason I always look forward to this season... I love the lights, the decorated trees, the cookies and candies, the presents and the mistletoe. I always plan ahead, and spend hours on making everything perfect. I love doing it too. Still, for some odd reason, whenever it gets really close to Christmas something happens that either ruins all my preparations or just makes it impossible for me to enjoy them. Hm... That probably makes no sense to you, but uh... anyway.
One Christmas after another has been ruined by depression, disease, injury or... just a very drunk Mother. After a while it gets harder and harder to get into the right mood to start all of the preparations, you know?
This picture was taken at the Christmas Ball I helped my brother arrange. I had a lovely time there but a week or two later my mother was so drunk at Christmas Eve that everything just... I did not want to deal with any of it. Everything seemed to go wrong that night. Not even my gloriously perfect Christmas Tree could make it better.
This particular Christmas was well on it's way to being great. Everything was planned in perfect detail, I was completely caught up in the Holiday Spirit. And then I decided to go Ice Skating with my friend Panda three days before Christmas. It was late afternoon, the sun had set and Kungsträdgården was filled with beautiful lights. It was so wonderful. But then I tripped and fell. I have no idea how it happened, I don't remember much, but I hit the ice so hard and my arm felt like it was on fire. Turns out I had managed to break a bone in my elbow and had to have surgery. I got out of the hospital the day before Christmas. I was drugged up on painkillers and was generally miserable. My family wanted to give me a nice Christmas anyway but I just wasn't in the mood anymore. And to make matters worse, my whole family got at eachother's throats the entire time. They wanted to make things easier for me but they did not agree with eachother so they just kept on fighting. And my mother was so busy running back and forth to the Christmas tree with presents that she did not even know what any of us had gotten.
I do not remember much of this Christmas. I think I got really sick the day before, or something like that, so I had a fever and splitting headache on Christmas Eve. Still, this was probably one of the best Christmas Holidays I have ever had. I spent most of it with a wonderful person and we had so much fun together even though it only lasted that winter. So, despite being sicker than... I don't know what... I was happy.
Heh, that was the only year I had dark hair too.
I want a nice, happy Christmas again.