Spring time come again...

I am starting to run out of happy memories. Each time I think back it hurts inside. Back then I was happy, but when you realize that it was all an illusion created by your own mind it is hard to find that happy feeling again. It is gone, along with the people who helped create it. Somehow it always ends up like this...

I want new memories... genuine memories... Memories of a spring when laughter rang in the air and smiles were abundant.

I want something that I can look back on and smile, really smile... even though times are bad.

So please, let this spring be a nice one....

I hate Sweden even more than I ever thought possible.

I want out of here.

Hospital terror

I really want to learn how to play the violin but that is practically impossible with my arm. There is no way that I will be able to hold an instrument with that arm for long enough to be able to practise. It hurts too much. So I might as well give up on that dream right now.

Even though I am going to the hospital tomorrow to get them to look at my elbow I am not expecting any miracles. The doctor will just look at the X-ray pictures, say everything is fine and send me home with the orders to come back if the pain continues. It is always like that, they never seem to want to admit that something is wrong. I have to sit in that horrible sterile place for hours just to see a doctor only to be shooed away after a few minutes of being let into their office. So what is the point of going there at all if they will not help me?

Did I mention that I really dislike hospitals?

Almost ready to fly...

I have been rather bad at updating lately due to various reasons - and people. I have not been feeling too good to tell the truth. Not at all my usual perky sugar-intoxicated self. A lot of people have been wondering what is wrong but I have not felt like ansering them when they asked... Forgive me, I was not myself and I still have a bit to go until I am back to normal. Because of this I would like to thank the people who have stuck with me even when I felt horrible about myself.

Thank You

On a lighter note, I have slowly started to go out of the house again and today I made myself all pretty for a photoshoot for Stockholm Japan Expo's new advertising campaign. There were three of us that had been chosen as models so I felt pretty special :) Also, it was a pleasant surprise to learn that the photographer was the same person that shot the pictures for the english version of the Gothic Lolita Bible vol. 3 last spring.

I have to say that the picture of me in the green dress is not the best picture ever of me, but what I could see of the pictures that were shot today was all very good :) Especially the last one where we were trying to figure out how to wear the SJX t-shirts that were given to us. You will see what I mean when I get the pictures . Personally I can not wait until I get to see them. I want to know whether or not they picked the ones I looked possessed in! Even though I felt like I had sold my soul to the devil when I applied for this I do not want to looked like I had the actual devil INSIDE of me!

If you are in Stockholm, or close to it, on the 22-24th of May you really ought to get yourself a ticket to SJX. I think it might actually be fun :)

Irokui

Wonderful music :)

And the Snow came...

I recieved a special delivery yesterday...

From Dream of Doll...

(Never mind that they can not spell their own brand name....)

The box was pretty :)

I have a mumie!

A mumie with gold ribbons...

????: *grumble grumble*

????: "I know this was neccessary.... but can I please come out now?

This is... humiliating...."

????: "Clothing! Finally!"

????: "What have you done to my hair?!"

????: "I do not know what you did.... but I am just happy to be out of that box. It was really uncomfortable."

Everybody - Meet Yuki.

Yuki: "...........Where are my paintings?"

The city's all a-shining
Beneath a fickle sun,
A gay young wind's a-blowing,
The little shower is done.
But the rain-drops still are clinging
And falling one by one --
Oh it's Paris, it's Paris,
And spring-time has begun.

I know the Bois is twinkling
In a sort of hazy sheen,
And down the Champs the gray old arch
Stands cold and still between.
But the walk is flecked with sunlight
Where the great acacias lean,
Oh it's Paris, it's Paris,
And the leaves are growing green.

The sun's gone in, the sparkle's dead,
There falls a dash of rain,
But who would care when such an air
Comes blowing up the Seine?
And still Ninette sits sewing
Beside her window-pane,
When it's Paris, it's Paris,
And spring-time's come again.

-Sara Teasdale