Friday, September 11, 2009

For Someone

I sat and looked at some old photos today. I do not know why I did it, but when I saw that old nickname there and the word "Mine~" next to it I could not help myself from clicking on that link. Of course, you had cleaned out most of the photos, but there were still some left. Most of them were taken while I knew you, but some were taken before that and yet I still recognized some things that you had told me about. Back then I believed everything you said completely. Unfortunately, I have come to the realization that I really have no idea if you were ever telling me the truth about things. It does not even matter if it was a small insignificant matter or an enormous thing like saying you were alone - they were all still lies. It made me think that maybe you never told me the truth? And that maybe... maybe even those three words you whispered to me on the phone that night was a lie.

Anyway, I have ranted about these things many times now... But the thing is... When I saw those old pictures... Especially the Princess one, and I think you know which one I am talking about, I felt this growing pit in my stomach. I actually felt sad. It was not even because I missed what we have... Actually, who am I kidding? I miss what we had, I miss the times when I actually believed you loved me, and, as I have said many many times, Ignorance can truly be Bliss. I was so mappy back then, and I miss that feeling. But, no matter how much I miss it, the thing that saddens me the most is that I ever believed any of the lies that came out of your mouth. I am so mad at myself for falling into the trap you set for me... The same one you have set for all your friends now. But hey, we were more than friends right? At least I would like to think that we were... even for the shortest time. Perhaps not... In hindsight everything looks so different, doesn't it? I hate that I was not different like I foolishly believe that I was and I hate that I tricked myself into thinking that you would not deliberately try to hurt me.

I fell into the trap... More than once actually... You know that as well as I do... But I have learned my lesson now... I will not let myself be fooled another time; I want nothing more to do with you.


Anonymous said...

du är utmanad <3

Anonymous said...

i sooo recognize that